Hiccup Havoc
by quicksilversquared
Summary: When Adrien gets the hiccups and an akuma hits, Chat Noir has to fight while still hiccuping the whole way, throwing off their sneak attacks on the akuma. Add in one frustrated Ladybug who is set on curing Chat Noir's hiccups no matter what it takes, and they're bound to have an interesting fight.


Adrien hiccuped, winced, and then cringed as the eyes of nearly everyone in the classroom turned on him. Marinette found herself wincing sympathetically as Adrien rubbed his chest. He had just started hiccuping a few minutes before and clearly was uncomfortable with both the feeling that the hiccups were causing and the looks he was getting whenever people heard him.

"Dude, you all right?" Nino hissed as Adrien tried to muffle another hiccup and failed. "Do I need to, like, try to scare you or something?"

"I'm fin- _HIC!_ -fine," Adrien insisted. He cringed again.

"No talking during class," Madam Mendeleiev said without turning around. "Any more talking and I'll start handing out detentions."

Nino ducked his head down to focus on his assignment and Adrien muffled another hiccup. Marinette gave Adrien a comforting look- well, she gave the back of his head a comforting look, Adrien didn't actually even see it- and then went back to her own work. She could see his shoulders occasionally give a little jerk as he smothered hiccups, one after another, for the rest of the class. Only a couple more hiccups actually slipped out at full volume, attracting glances from classmates and glares from Madam Mendeleiev. He ducked his head lower every time, cringing until class ended and they could leave.

Adrien had hiccuped his way almost all the way to their next class- study hall- when Alya gasped, bringing their group to a halt.

"What now?" Nino asked as Alya swiped frantically at her phone. "Oh, let me guess- an akuma?"

"Of course! And Ladybug and Chat Noir are going to be there soon- _ugh!_ And I can't go, the teachers would never let me go out to cover it." She perked up. "Maybe the fight will end up coming near the school!"

"You know, that's generally- _HIC!_ \- not a good thing," Adrien added. He cringed a little and rubbed his throat before continuing. "Maybe you should wish for a quick end to the fight so that you aren't missing much."

"That's no fun!" Alya protested, even as Nino tugged her forward down the hall towards their next class. "I don't get any original footage then, and then I have to rely on TV recordings to do my reports and that doesn't do the Ladyblog any good."

"Skipping class doesn't do your grades any good," Nino pointed out. They approached the classroom and Nino gently pushed Alya inside, ignoring her pouting.

"I think I'm gonna run to the bathroom before class starts," Marinette said quickly before she could enter the room. She took a quick step back, then another. "I'll, uh, be right back!"

Before anyone could say anything, Marinette turned and dashed away down the stairs towards the bathrooms. She had to get away and transform before the akuma could cause too much trouble.

* * *

Ladybug jumped over the Paris rooftops, heading for the highest point close to her so she could try to figure out where the akuma was. She didn't see anything, so she grabbed her yo-yo and pulled up the TV report that was streaming. Madam Chamack was reporting, of course, and she was standing in the shadow of a building near the Louvre. A colorful akuma was rampaging around in the background, darting in and out of the camera frame. Ladybug didn't wait to listen to whatever Madam Chamack was saying, since she knew from experience that the reporter's information usually wasn't terribly helpful to anyone _not_ trying to avoid whatever strange akuma Hawkmoth had created most recently.

It would be easier to just go over there and watch the akuma for a minute before charging in and taking him down.

Snapping her yo-yo shut, Ladybug took off again. She moved quickly over the rooftops, swinging between buildings and jumping over roads as she made a beeline to the Louvre. After months of akuma fighting, she moved _way_ faster (and way quieter) than she had when she first became Ladybug. It took barely any time to get to the Louvre and land out of sight on a nearby building. Ladybug crept closer to the edge, eyes narrowing as she watched the akuma down below. As far as akumas went, this one didn't seem particularly bad. It was just spray painting anything and everything it could reach. Still, appearances could be deceiving. She and Chat Noir would go all-out, just like they always did, and if the akuma was as easy as it seemed then maybe she could get to class before she was missed too much.

It was always nice when she could pull that off.

As the akuma moved down the street, Ladybug prowled along behind. She was focused on the akuma, watching his every move-

 _"HIC!"_

Ladybug shot nearly a meter into the air as she jumped and spun around, sliding into battle position. Her eyes scanned the rooftop, searching for a threat...

...and found a sheepish Chat Noir instead.

"Sorry," Chat Noir said quietly as he crept down the roof to join her. "I can't seem to- _HIC!_ \- get rid of my hiccups today. Normally they don't last this long."

"Ah, poor kitty," Ladybug teased as Chat Noir jumped down the last half-meter and together they jogged forward after the akuma. "The hiccups must be going around today. There was someone in my class who was having the same problem earlier."

"Great! I'm not alone in my- _HIC!_ \- misery then," Chat Noir managed to joke. He winced. "It's honestly starting to hurt a bit, I've been- _HIC!_ \- hiccuping for so long."

"Well, maybe the akuma will scare the hiccups out of you," Ladybug said, pointing to the supervillain down below. Clearly he had heard Chat Noir, because he was looking up at them now with a particularly devilish look on his face. "It _looks_ like he's just painting things, but be careful. The paint might do something to us if we get hit."

"I'm always careful," Chat Noir claimed with a grin on his face. He pulled his baton off of his back and gave it a twirl. "Ready to kick some akuma ass?"

* * *

Thankfully, the paint doesn't hurt them at all when they get hit. Still, that doesn't make it harmless. Pressurized paint plus a superhero transformation equals a spraypaint blast that can both dye them bright colors and knock them nearly two blocks away. Charging at the akuma only led to them being blown off of their feet and stumbling back covered in a fresh layer of paint.

And to top it all off, Chat Noir hadn't stopped hiccuping yet. It was throwing them off of their game. He would flinch or pause whenever he hiccuped, or he would give away his position with a particularly loud hiccup. It had happened a few too many times, and Ladybug was getting fed up.

The hiccups had to stop.

There weren't any 100 percent effective ways to stop hiccups, Ladybug knew that. But she knew of some things that sometimes worked. She could insist that she and Chat Noir slip into a restaurant to grab a glass of water for him to sip from, but the akuma probably wouldn't let them slip away. Her father had once said something about sipping hot sauce or honey, but the same problem applied there. A quick search on her yo-yo between attacks suggested sucking on a lemon or eating peanut butter.

Seriously, didn't they have any suggestions that would work on the go, or in the middle of an akuma attack? And why did the suggestions all involve food of some sort?

The fight tumbled across the city, gradually edging in the general direction of Collège Françoise Dupont. Ladybug ground her teeth as Chat Noir hiccuped again, giving away their position for what seemed like the zillionth time. She ducked away in time to avoid the electric blue burst of paint, but Chat Noir was not so lucky. He tumbled away down the street, letting out muffled yelps the whole way.

"This. Is. Ridiculous," Ladybug growled. She snapped her yo-yo open again, scanning the page of hiccup cures. One person suggested scaring the unfortunate hiccup-er, and another person mentioned that holding their breath for a bit helped rid them of hiccups. Both of them wouldn't be easy to do during an akuma attack, but Ladybug was getting desperate.

So when Chat Noir went tearing after the akuma, Ladybug swung around to the side, just out of Chat Noir's field of view. Landing in the middle of the next street over, she raced up the street. Chat Noir's green pawprint locator blinked away on her yo-yo's screen as she ran, intent on gaining enough ground to pull this off right. After a few seconds, Chat Noir slowed for a moment- either he was wondering where she was or was dodging a spray of paint from the akuma- and then he sped up again. It wasn't much of a pause, but it was enough.

Ladybug took a hard right and somersaulted into position.

"I'll paint the entire city!" the akuma bellowed, coating an entire building in electric green and spraying a more focused shot behind him towards Chat Noir before racing onwards. "They can't remove it all!"

"You can't paint walls without permission!" Chat Noir yelled back. "That's called- _HIC!-_ graffiti!"

The akuma _howled._ "It's _art!_ "

Ladybug watched as Chat Noir shot back a fast retort, drawing ever closer to her hiding spot. His focus was completely on the akuma, so he was sure to be surprised when she shot out. Her sneak attack might add some time to their fight, but then again, if she could get Chat Noir to stop _hiccuping_...

Ladybug pounced.

Chat Noir yelped as he and Ladybug tumbled across the road. He gave an almighty twist, dislodging Ladybug easily, and flipped to his feet in the same move. His baton whistled as he spun it defensively in front of himself with a yell. Bright green eyes darted back and forth looking for an enemy. They finally settled on Ladybug, sitting stunned in the street.

The baton spun to a confused stop.

"...what on _earth_ ," Chat Noir managed, finally putting his baton away. "...what were you trying- _HIC!_ \- trying to do, my lady?"

"I was trying to scare the hiccups out of you," Ladybug admitted, accepting Chat Noir's hand. He pulled her to her feet in one smooth move. "Apparently it didn't work."

Chat Noir hiccuped again, then gave her a rueful smile. "Yeah, apparently not. Maybe it's because I was already in fight mode. Like, even if- _HIC!-_ I could see the akuma up ahead, I was kind of expecting side attacks." He paused and frowned. "That's not quite right. It's more like- it's a fight, right? We never know quite what to expect. It's different each time. During some fights, we _do_ have zombies attacking from the sides. We have sneaky akuma that come out from wherever. As sad as it is- _HIC!_ \- I'm kind of used to it."

Ladybug sighed.

* * *

By the time they caught up to the akuma again, he was spray-painting Collège Françoise Dupont with a slightly fuzzy, out-of-focus version of _Starry Night_. The school definitely wasn't the best painting surface- the- bricks around the windows stuck out a little, and then the windows themselves weren't holding the paint quite as well as the rest of the building- but it was still a somewhat decent painting.

"What- _HIC!_ \- what do we do now?" Chat Noir asked. "Keep trying to char- _HIC!_ \- charge him, or do you want to try something else?"

"Try something else," Ladybug decided. "Let's figure out where he'll move next, and then we'll do an ambush attack. If we catch him by surprise, maybe we can get his spray can before he recovers."

"He's moving towards the bakery," Chat Noir pointed out. "Let's go over there. If we run, we can probably- _HIC!_ -probably get around and into an ambush spot without him noticing."

Ladybug gave a sharp nod. "All right. Let's go."

They ran.

"Behind that grey car," Chat Noir panted as they skidded around the last corner. "And then we can move- _HIC!_ \- move forward to end up behind the blue car. That should be close enough for an ambush."

"Sound good," Ladybug panted back, and they dove as one behind the grey car. They both tucked into somersaults and rolled past two more cars to come to a stop behind the blue car Chat Noir had pointed out. There they crouched and waited.

"He's coming this way," Ladybug hissed after a minute. "Ready?"

Chat Noir nodded and tightened his grip on his baton.

The spraypainting akuma had decided on painting something modern and abstract on the side of the school building. Neon green sprayed out in a geometric pattern, outlined in black. Over the next minute, he worked his way down the building towards the superheroes' hiding place. They tensed, waiting nervously for the akuma to draw close enough to pounce.

As they waited, Ladybug kept one eye on the akuma and one on her partner. One hiccup could give away their position. So far, he had managed to keep quiet, but-

Oh no.

As the akuma got closer, still hovering just outside of striking distance, Ladybug could see the obvious signs that Chat Noir was going to hiccup again. So without a pause for thought, she lunged. One hand clapped over his mouth, sealing his lips together, while the other pinched his nose shut. Her yo-yo had said something about stopping hiccups by interrupting normal breathing patterns, so if Chat Noir just didn't breathe for a few seconds, maybe-

Rather predictably, Chat Noir let out a startled squeak- muffled, of course- and twisted away, scrabbling at her hands the whole time. Ladybug held on for a second and could have kept her hold longer, had Chat Noir's protest not alerted the akuma to their sneak attack. He spun around and sprayed fuchsia paint at them, and Ladybug had to let go of Chat Noir's face so they could both dive out of the way of the blast.

"What- _HIC!-_ was _that_ for?" Chat Noir hissed as they scampered out of the way of the cars flying through the air. "Are you trying to smother me now? I thought we were partners!"

"The internet said that holding your breath can stop hiccups!" Ladybug yelled back as they retreated to the school rooftop. Down below, students scattered as they tried to find somewhere to hide. "And it looked like you were about to hiccup again!"

" _A warning would have been nice!_ "

"I would have, but Mr. Spraypaint over there would have heard!"

A burst of midnight blue blasted past them, spattering flecks across Ladybug's already paint-covered suit. She sighed and brushed at the paint almost automatically, smearing it across the lemon-yellow color that had hit her earlier.

"If you stand in that spray, your hair might look normal again!" Chat Noir teased as he bounded across the rooftop. He grinned at Ladybug. "Or, well- _HIC!-_ closer to normal than it is now."

Ladybug grumbled as she swung across the courtyard and landed on the other side. Her hair, stiff with paint and still mostly bright pink, stuck up at all sorts of odd angles. Chat Noir's hair was no better. Green, purple, and orange paint made his already messy hair even messier. Some chunks stuck straight up, while other pieces clung to his face and mask. Splatters of turquoise broke up the orange paint that covered his face. His formerly black suit was a patchwork of colors.

"I thought this one would be a fast fight for sure," Ladybug moaned as the spraypainter jumped down and started coating the inside of the school in electric blue. She and Chat Noir dashed into the locker room to get a little space and regroup.

"I'm sorry, I know this would be already over if I didn't- _HIC!_ \- have the hiccups," Chat Noir apologized. He cringed. "Maybe I should hang back and only come in if you're having trouble. I wouldn't give- _HIC!-_ away our position that way."

Ladybug was only listening with one ear. She had been busy surveying the locker room for anything she might be able to use to take the akuma down. There were a few abandoned lunches sitting around- had they _really_ been fighting that long?- and her eyes had caught on an abandoned bottle of hot sauce.

If scaring Chat Noir and making him hold his breath didn't get rid of the hiccups, then it was probably a long shot to think that drinking hot sauce might. But Ladybug wanted to end the fight already- and if she were being perfectly honest, the hiccups were _really_ starting to get on her nerves.

Ladybug snagged the hot sauce and trotted after Chat Noir. Her partner realized that she wasn't after him after a few seconds and turned with a puzzled look on his face. His eyes fell on the hot sauce bottle as Ladybug tugged the top off. Chat Noir's eyes widened and then narrowed as he backed away. "No. Nuh-uh. Nope. Not toda- _HIC!_ \- not today. Do I even _want_ to know what you're doing with that?"

"My dad says it stops hiccups," Ladybug insisted, bringing the bottle up near Chat Noir's face. "C'mon, you can at least try it-"

Chat Noir made a face and pressed his lips together, leaning away from Ladybug and shaking his head.

"Oh, come _on_."

He shook his head even more.

"Just a sip?"

"Mm-mmm!" Chat Noir insisted, keeping his mouth shut and shaking his head. Ladybug guessed from the head-shaking that he was still objecting. "Mmm-mmmm- _mmmm_ -mmmm- _HIC!_ "

"It might get rid of your hiccups!"

Chat Noir sent her the darkest look she had ever seen on him and shook his head firmly.

Ladybug groaned, finally capping the bottle and setting it back down. "Fine. You win. How about I ambush, you distract?"

"Sounds good," Chat Noir agreed. He grimaced and ran a hand through his paint-covered hair. "I'll be a walking paint blob by the end of- _HIC!_ \- this, but it sounds like a plan."

* * *

Ten minutes and one Lucky Charm later, the akuma and his can of spraypaint had been taken down. Ladybug's Miraculous Cure had washed over the city, removing paint from buildings and people alike.

"I'll get this guy back where he's supposed to be," Chat Noir volunteered as Ladybug's earrings beeped. "It'll only take me a- _HIC!_ \- a couple minutes and I didn't use my powers."

"Thank you, Chat Noir," Ladybug said, holding out her fist for him to bump. "And, uh, good job."

Chat Noir cringed, bumped her fist with his, and took off with another loud hiccup, carrying the spraypainting artist back to where he had come from. Ladybug waited until her partner had vanished over the rooftops before she made her own exit.

"That took _way_ too long," Marinette groaned once she detransformed, hidden behind bushes near the school. "I missed all of study hall _again_."

"Maybe you should have switched up your strategy earlier," Tikki suggested, reaching for the cookie Marinette handed her. "I mean, you _did_ keep trying the same thing over and over for a while."

"Because we would get so _close_ and then Chat Noir would hiccup! It would have worked if he hadn't caught the hiccups today."

" _Marinette..._ "

Marinette's shoulders slumped. "...okay, maybe I got a little too focused on the surprise attack and trying to get rid of Chat Noir's hiccups. I'll be better in the future about not trying the same strategy over and over if it's not working."

Tikki looked satisfied.

Marinette jogged up the stairs to the school as she checked the time on her phone. It was still early enough that she could probably run home for a quick sandwich for lunch and still get back in time for her first class after lunch-

"Marinette! There you are!"

Marinette glanced up in time to see Alya and Nino rushing at her. They skidded to a stop right before they ran into her. "We were worried that you had gone missing too!"

"Too?" Marinette asked, frowning. _That_ didn't sound good. "...are there other people missing?"

Alya nodded. "We can't find Adrien _anywhere,_ and we've been searching ever since study hall got out." She sent a look at Marinette. "Study hall, which a certain someone else _also_ missed. I was kind of hoping that we would find the two of you, y'know, _together_."

Marinette blushed fiercely at Alya's eyebrow wiggle.

"Maybe we should split up and keep looking," Nino suggested. "We can cover more ground that way. I've texted him, like, seven times, so if he's already gone home he'll know that we're looking for him."

"It should be easier to look now that a lot of people have headed home for lunch," Alya said. She glanced around at the stream of students trotting down the steps. "No one wanted to leave while the spraypainter akuma was on the loose."

"I'll stay here and keep an eye out for Adrien," Nino said. He nodded towards the familiar silver car that had just pulled up. "That's the Gorilla, so clearly Adrien isn't at home yet. I bet he heard the akuma getting closer while he was still in the bathroom and he decided to hide until it was gone. Maybe his father told him to get away from attacks and hide or something. I almost never see him anywhere near them."

"That makes sense," Alya said. Then she frowned. "Uh, how about _I_ watch Adrien's car and you keep looking? I can't check the boys' bathroom, and neither can Marinette."

Nino agreed, and then they were splitting up to search for their still-missing friend. Marinette trotted up the stairs to the library, figuring that that would be a good place to start. There were some study rooms in the back that people sometimes used for group projects or for hiding from akuma. They would be empty during classes, which would make them a good hiding spot.

"Adrien?" Marinette called quietly as she entered the library. It was pretty empty, which was only expected at this time this early in the semester. "Adrien, are you in here?"

"Check all of the tables first," Tikki suggested. "He might have just decided to study or read instead of going home for lunch."

Marinette was fairly certain that Adrien would have had the decency to let his driver know that he wouldn't need the car, but she checked the tables anyway. Adrien wasn't there (and neither was anyone else), so she headed back to the study rooms.

"Adrien? Are you in here? Adrien?" Marinette peered in the first two rooms, one at a time, and found them both empty. She turned to head towards the third one and tripped right as she got to the door. "Adrie- _eep!_ " Marinette stumbled forward. A strange light flickered from the open door she was next to, but she ignored it as she fought to regain her balance, grabbing the doorframe to keep herself upright. It only took her a short second to regain her balance (after all, she had a lot of experience with tripping and recovering), and then she was straightening back up and glancing in the room. Much to her relief, Adrien was in the room and was spinning around in response to her call.

And much to her surprise, he was white as a sheet.

* * *

Chat Noir had dropped the painter back off near the Louvre and then hightailed it back towards the school, hiccuping the whole way. He headed for the library, knowing that there would be empty study rooms that he could use to detransform. It took only a second to pry a window open on one of the empty rooms, and then he jumped inside. The door was open, but there wasn't going to be anyone nearby. It wouldn't be a problem.

"Plagg, cl- _HIC!_ \- claws in," Chat Noir managed around another hiccup. His transformation came undone in a flash, and then he heard the one noise he had never wanted to hear.

"Adrie- _eep!_ "

Adrien froze and spun around to see Marinette standing at the door, looking a little startled. All of the blood drained from his face in seconds and his breath caught in his throat.

She must have seen him detransform. She knew that he was Chat Noir. There was no other explanation.

 _Crud._ Plagg would be annoyed with him for not making sure no one was nearby before he detransformed. _Ladybug_ would probably be even more upset with him, since if his identity was compromised, she was in danger as well. The room started to spin.

"I- I can explain!" Adrien stammered quickly, even as his brain flailed for anything he could say that might be remotely useful. He wasn't coming up with much. "I, uh-"

Marinette frowned, looking confused even as he floundered. "Explain? Explain what? You don't have to explain anything, you know. People hide from akuma attacks all the time! No one's gonna judge you for that."

Adrien froze as his brain ground to a stop. Hide from akuma attacks? _What_? He was Chat Noir, of course he wasn't hiding, Marinette would know tha-

Oh. _Oh._

She hadn't seen him detransform after all. She must have been looking for him since he had been missing for study hall and the start of lunch, and then she must have tripped somehow right outside the door. She had been reacting to that, not to him detransforming.

"Right, right, of course," Adrien managed after a too-long pause. Marinette's confused look had faded away to concern, and of course he didn't want to worry his friend. Adrien took a couple small steps back so he could lean against the table. He didn't exactly want his shaking legs to give out from under him and make Marinette worry even more. "I just, uh-"

"Oh! If you're worried about making your driver wait, he just pulled up out front. I'm sure he'll understand why you weren't waiting at the door," Marinette said before Adrien could even try to come up with an explanation that was halfway decent. She waved her phone at him. "Here, I'll text Alya and she can tell your driver that you're on your way down- unless you were planning on staying here and studying over lunch?"

"No, no, I'm coming," Adrien said hastily. He didn't move at all. If Marinette turned around and started walking first, then she wouldn't see how his adrenaline-weakened legs were still shaking under him. He'd be lucky if he could make it down the stairs without tripping over his own feet and falling down headfirst. Maybe he should wait a few minutes first before trying to move. "...actually, there was a book I wanted to find while I was in the library. I'll be down in a couple minutes, okay?"

"Okay!" Marinette said cheerfully. She gave him one last curious look and then turned and left. Adrien waited until her footsteps had faded away before he let out the breath he hadn't even known he had been holding and slumped into the chair closest to him. Plagg zipped out and eyed his Chosen warily.

"Are you okay?"

" _Ugh_."

"At least she didn't find out your identity," Plagg pointed out. "That's good. I really thought she saw you detransforming."

"Yeah, that's good," Adrien managed. His heart was still racing a million miles an hour, but at least the world wasn't spinning anymore. He paused, trying to focus for a minute before he grinned. "And you know what else is good?"

"What?"

"My hiccups are finally gone!"

* * *

 **A/N: As with most of my stories, this IS a one-shot and is therefore complete.**

 **Please leave reviews! They make my day :)**


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